


The Doubts of Ignis Scientia

by Subvertta



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, M/M, Unreciprocated Love, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 04:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12623680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subvertta/pseuds/Subvertta
Summary: Even the most composed of men have their doubts, all which left unvoiced.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ironically written to gideon emery let there be love 
> 
> ya sry i like rubbing salt into my own wound hope you enjoy

Man or woman, it held no importance to Ignis. He could easily see himself with either. So why was his heart set to a single person. A single  _ good friend,  _ he would constantly remind himself.  One friend destined to be wed off to another no less, a second thought that would always chime alongside the other.  Those accursed words ringing in his ears whenever his attention would dare linger on Noctis for even a second longer. 

 

The love he felt was far from what the books and movies glorified it to be. There were those smiles saved for his beloved friend, but no butterflies in his stomach. Any flutters of the heart were replaced with a vine coiling ‘round his chest digging it’s wretched thorns deeper each day. And it hurt. Physically. It would continue to hurt every waking moment of his life til’ his deepest feelings are heard by Noctis. 

 

Which he never intended to let his prince ever hear. 

 

Those thoughts singing nothing short of praise and pure admiration for his prince. How easy it would be to borrow Noctis for a moment, lead him away to solitude and spill his heart out. Ramble to a prince of his selfish desires. How out of place he would be proclaiming his love to a man who already had his heart and eyes on another. 

 

He had already allowed himself to be selfish to steal him away in early mornings, even if for a few moments. If not for romantic confessions then for a talk between friends. Away from the others all for  _ him  _ and  _ him only. _ To think Ignis would allow himself for such selfish acts - the other unknowing of his true intents. 

 

How truly pathetic, he thought each time about himself.

 

“Hey, Specs aren’t ya always nagging at me to go to bed early?” 

 

Noctis snapped him out of his thoughts, bringing his reality back to Eos rather than his own mental prison. An empty cup was the first thing to finally come into focus. Ignis rubbed his eyes before looking around. All but two seats were empty as well rather loud snoring coming from the tent. Had his thoughts really distracted him for too long? Ignis finally turned to Noctis at the other side of the campfire. He was leaning over, one elbow resting against his knee as he grinned. 

 

“Indeed,” he pulled back his sleeve and raised a brow at his watch. Already past midnight. “And tonight shall be one of those times I will ‘nag’ it seems.” 

 

“Tsk, such hypocrisy. You also gotta sleep sometime.” 

 

Ignis waved his hand in dismay, “Nothing a cup or two of ebony will not solve.” 

 

“Geez, you’re like a car running on that stuff. And the fuel-” Noctis got up with a huff, humming contently as he stretched out. “-just ran out. You were dead to the world for a bit there.” 

“Simply lost in thought, Highness.” Ignis followed suite, getting up and slowly walking off the stiffness in his legs as he gathered plates left scattered after dinner.

 

“If that’s what you wanna call it. Well, night Specs. Try getting some sleep soon.” 

 

“Noct.” Ignis quickly called out before the other had a chance to move.

 

“What?” His shoulders slumped down.

 

“Would you care to help with breakfast tomorrow? Requires a bit of an early start however.” 

 

Noctis stretched out his groan for as long as possible, slowly starting to make his way to the tent. He dragged his feet across the ground the entire time. “Sure just-” he grumbled, opening the flaps, “Wake me up early.” 

 

“Till tomorrow morning, then.” With a bow of his head the prince disappeared into the tent, flopping down hard against his sleeping bag. 

 

Borrowing him for another morning will do no harm. After all, Ignis found his thoughts harder to ignore as the days passed. Only a much needed distraction would ever sooth his nerves and he found Noctis’ voice over boiling pots and frying meat to serve as the best kind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Ignis' sacrifice to keep his prince safe came another price, though this one comes as more of a burden of mind rather than another physical scar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more salt to the wound?   
> yes!

No longer can he steal a glance. In the blackness that was his new world, only memories would remain. But those aren't eternal and just like life, would fade with time. Would he ever forget his prince’s face? The playful glint and the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes when he smiled, or the pout one could obviously read as trying to hard, head tilted down and light hues looking up. Would he forget the soft angles of his features?

A simple hand curiously exploring every inch of his face is all Ignis would ask for. Even if for a quick brush against his cheek to keep some memories alive. Something - anything. The thought alone of slowly forgetting his beloved face was enough to bring a pang of guilt to his chest. A claim to love Noctis with all his heart, swear to protect him - take any sacrifice necessary to keep him safe, only to simply forget. 

Ignis clenched his jaw. A pathetic, unsure breath and he could feel his composure breaking. 

“Hey Specs, you okay there?” Noctis’ voice called out, concerned. 

“Of course, everything is in order.” He smiled, hoping it looked far less forced than his words. 

“You sure? You’re not looking too good.” 

Ignis fell silent once more, not quite sure what he would even say. What would he gain if he were to bother his prince with silly worries and selfish requests, lest he were to pile up more unnecessary burdens. He slowly stood up, reaching out for his walking stick with each half second dragging out with the unmistakable feeling of eyes on him. Noctis’, undoubtedly. 

“Noct,” he started, voice so weak and vulnerable. He cleared his throat, , “May I touch your face?”

“Oh, uh,” Not quite the reply he had hoped. A request far too forward to be asking of his prince. Footsteps grew closer, as well as a familiar presence lingering close. “Sure.”

Ignis let out a soft sigh. His shoulders slacked, feeling only a fragment of the terrible weight upon them vanish. Despite Noctis obliging to his request, there was still uncertainty. He slowly took of his gloves and tucked them halfway into his pockets. He reached out where he could only assume Noctis stood, memories serving as the only hint where his face would be. His fingers found purchase against skin, heated and oh so delicate. Touch worked marvels where eyes could no longer aid him. 

One rested perfectly against Noctis’ cheek, while he felt the other thumb brush against his lips. He quickly turned away from that path, instead running lithe fingers against his jaw. Ignis felt his jaw finally unclench, followed with a sigh. It almost sounded content. The edges felt on his fingertips brought a clear sight into his mind. His prince felt the way just as he used to look. Only the sight of his eyes narrowing as he smiled along with light wrinkles forming ‘round the corners. 

Ignis frowned. A drop of water plopped against his cheek. 

And another. 

“Oh, is it raining?” he looked up, as pointless as the act was. A pitiful excuse to turn away from Noctis. 

“Specs…” Noctis paused, voice hesitant to go any further, “We’re in a motel.” Two thumbs gently brushed against Ignis’ cheeks, bringing his head back down and wiping away his tears. Two palms cupped his cheeks lulling him into a small comfort. “What happened to you, Iggy?” 

“Nothing that should worry you, Highness.” with one last brush against his temples, running his fingers through the mess of his hair he pulled back holding onto whatever vision of Noctis he could piece together. Nothing he felt differed from the image still resting in his memories. No scar marred otherwise soft skin. It was almost a surprise to Ignis how he could feel just what his prince felt. Muscles relaxed, leaving no room for a smile to play on his lips. 

The other didn’t seem to press him any more than that. Soon he too pulled back once no more tears stained his cheeks. 

“We should get going. Gladio and Prompto should be back and ready to set off soon.” his voice snapped back to a stoic tone. He quickly slipped his gloves back on and reached for his walking stick. “After all, you have a duty to fulfill.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's actually getting shorter cause i teared up while listening to somnus

The king had returned after ten long years. 

Ten years.

Ignis felt tears well up in his eyes. How he tried to keep it together hearing Noctis’ voice for the first time. There was purpose behind his words words. A purpose to fulfill his duty and deliver the people from their eternal darkness. He knew what he had to do - Ignis heard it loud and clear. The certainty brought a long forgotten fire to his heart snuffed out along with the daylight. 

But it also brought dread. 

With his duty came a price - his life. There was no way to change what was to come. Noctis knew that. He knew that. Gladiolus knew, and so did Prompto. He had little time to spend the last days with the man his heart still yearned for. All four had so little time to gather ‘round together and speak of the past years with bitterness and spite to the man who cursed them all.

As well as the last chance he had to speak his heart out, spill out all he had kept at the forefront of his mind whenever he thought of the king. Make peace with his own thoughts that to this day wove through his heart with dull thorns painfully tearing through. Yet whenever he spoke, those words never came out choked back by his own conscience. Every other word came out clear as day. 

Why should he burden the king with his troubles? He should go in to his duty with a clear mind. He spoke his peace, cleared his thoughts. Lay his heart to peace and sat reborn with a new determination. That is the way a king should be.

There were only a few last words spoken before Ignis finally lay to sleep. A broken thank you whispered towards the night sky for fate letting him be with his friend one last time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last farewell to the king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i was crying both because i was sad and listening to somnus which really doesn't help
> 
> i'm sorry

The last touch against Noctis’ cheek still lingered on his fingertips. It almost festered like bugs crawling across his skin bringing more bitterness to the last memory that should rather be cherished. Even his last words, replaying in his mind like a broken record with a voice filled with such certainty lingered in sadness. Perhaps it was the inevitability of the fate that kept his eyes damp with tears. A duty finally fulfilled to burn away the night.

Darkness still surrounded his vision, something Ignis had grown so used to yet now it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Deep inside he yearned to see his beloved King’s victory with his own eyes, not just feel the first rays of sunshine against his cheek. Not when after ten long years he was denied the dawn that took Noctis with it. The warmth around him felt almost cruel. But even the breeze subsided for the first rays to shine once more, bringing relief to both body and soul. 

Ignis stood motionless, head tilted up towards the sky taking all he could in. They had finally reached the end of the road, all four gathered one last time. 

One last talk around the campfire, bringing their carefree days back.

One last meal for the king, made sure to be his favourite.

One last brush against his cheek, keeping the memories of Noctis forever framed in his mind.

One last goodbye, before the king's last stand.

One last promise to keep to his beloved friend, Ignis will forever hold those last words in his heart and walk tall. 

One last thank you, whispered into the morning sky.


End file.
